Single at 20 with a 3 year old

Writing this blog has been the most difficult, yet rewarding thing I have done in a long time. I am letting my emotions show; I am vulnerable to strangers, to friends and to family. I just read a blog a lady wrote about putting your heart into your writing and letting your emotions show. She said "you should own your feelings. You should own every little shred of emotion you feel". But one thing that really stood out to me was when she wrote, "Write only, and only, if someone changes you. If you see the world differently because of them". Which led me to today. While this is all true and my point to writing this blog, I have to be careful not to hurt feelings, to not create distance. I truly care about the people in my life story, whether it be my son's father and his family (no matter what has happened in the past) to people that have come in and out of my life. You have all been there for a reason; some have stayed longer than others and have become great friends along my journey. "Growing up means letting go". I have, I have let go over the years of so many things and put them in the past, but I really feel the need to write about the things that have changed me. Things that have taken me from that 17 year old teen mother to where I am today. 

I was a single mom up until my son was three years old, single at 20 with a three year old child, yikes!!!! Why would any man want to take that on? But someone did! I write a lot in my blog about not feeling alone as a teen mother and to make sure other young mothers know they are not alone, but I haven't really mentioned someone really important in my life who took on the role as step-parent. Yesterday my son turned 20 years old; he has been an amazing child to raise. I can only remember one time he was grounded, in third grade - he signed my name to a letter he had to write to me explaining what he had done wrong, and as you can see he also had some spelling errors. It was all pretty funny!

 

The fact that this is the only thing I can remember him getting in trouble for clearly shows just how lucky I am. I listen to other parents talk about their teens and I cringe for them. My son has graduated high school, enlisted himself in the US Navy and has become the man I had always hoped he would become. Twenty years ago I never would have imagined I could have raised such an amazing young man. Besides my family, I do give a lot of credit to my husband who has been a major part of his life. As a step-parent, I think he felt pretty lucky to have fallen in love with such a well grounded little man. I knew the minute I met him that he was meant to be a part of our family.  He showed love and compassion towards my son that I never thought someone would - he was going to love him as much as he would love me.  Becoming a family can be a new transition for everyone, connections need to be formed and you need to make sure all are able to unite as a family. My husband embraced my son from the moment he met him. He knew in order to love me he had to love my son. I know you can't expect instant love, but for my son and my husband the bond happened pretty quick. My son always respected my husband and vice versa. We provided my son with a stable home filled with respect, consistency and love. My husband respected his boundaries as a step-parent and created a safe environment that nurtured honesty. He never criticized my ex to my child; we never discussed custody or child support in front of my son, knowing that children should not be subjected to those conversations and adult problems. My husband proved that biology isn't the most important part about being a good parent. The most important bonds are of those formed with love, not DNA.

This year on my son's birthday it was the first time we were not together; he is stationed four hours away. Although I could not make it down there to be with him, my husband made sure he went to see him so he was not alone. My husband has NEVER once made a statement about him not being his son. He raised him; he nurtured him, provided support for him emotionally and financially. Because he wanted to, not because he was made to. 

This man has changed my life and my son's 17 years ago and it has been pretty amazing. I surely wish I could go back in time and tell myself a couple things about how I handled my marriage when I was younger, but one thing is for sure, I am lucky to have married him. Although your child is and always will be your first love, you need to nurture your marriage just as much as you nurture your relationship with your children. I know I am a hard person to live with and I have my faults, god knows I do! He embarked on an adventure with us and I am sure he had no clue what he was taking on with a young mother. But this man has stood beside me at my worst. I've pushed him away, and he continued to hold my hand. When all I wanted was to be alone, he was by my side. He has made sure my son knows he loves him just as his own. We all must realize that in order to have happy children, you need to have a happy home. My husband and I were able to provide this together and I am ever so grateful for the journey we began 17 years ago raising an amazing child and the journey we are now on; learning how to live without any children at home.