Embracing the future

I was a teen mom, I had many struggles and had to overcome a lot of diversity. While my story is personal to me, it is not unique of many other teen moms. I am not afraid to tell my story in hopes that others see they're struggle is not one to take alone. What I love most about my story is what my parents taught me, no matter how terrified I may have been of the situation I was in, they had confidence in me that I would be a good mother and taught me that being a teenage mother doesn't define nor end my life. When my son was about 2 years old his father and I split up. I ended up having an emotional breakdown and was put in the hospital to get help. At the time I was ashamed to be there, years later I look back as it being the turning point of my life.  I believed I had to be with my child's father. My family was supposed to stay together, how could I let this be. I was becoming a statistic of so many other young mothers. I was ashamed, hurt, depressed and didn't think I could go on.  Once I received counseling and worked through my issues and grew up a bit, I realized it was going to be ok, we were going to be ok. I wish someone told me at 18 - "Forgive anyone and everyone you may have hard feelings for so you can be at peace with yourself and with the world." It took me years to understand that, I wish all parents going through a separation, no matter how old you are, understand just how valuable that is for themselves and for their children.

 

 It didn't matter what others thought about my life; being a teen mom, not being with my child's father, not going to college. I needed to start looking towards my future, what I could make of it for myself and for my son. As with many other teen moms, when you are not with your child's father you become the person responsible for keeping track of their everyday needs: medical, financial, and daily care. I needed to become an adult. I wasn't afraid or embarrassed to ask for help; such as daycare assistance or government health insurance. I started working full time when he was two years old and we still lived at home with my parents. I learned quickly that it was ok to rely on family members for support in more ways than one. I needed that short-term support in order to have a future.

 

I remember the day my son came home from school and told me about the "Banana Splits" program. It was for children of separated parents. He was excited to start this, the school made it sound really exciting and obviously felt he needed to be a part of it. Except, I was not as excited. My son was never short of being loved, with my family, his father's family, his step-parents family....he definitely had a lot of people around that adored him, cared for him, and supported him. Why did the school think he needed this program? What were they going to be telling him? What was he telling them, did I not know how my son was feeling? All these questions I had in the back of my mind, but he was excited to do this and I didn't say no. I never really thought of him being from a split household. Yes, he had the every other weekend visits with his father and knew there was a separation. But he grew up with my husband, his step-father, in his life from the age of 3 1/2 and his step-mother was in his life from around 2 years old. He had many loving people in his life.

 

The first time he came home from this program upset about me and his father not being together I was heart broken. Heart broken because I didn't know if I made the right decision by not really talking to him about his father and me; or the fact that this program was making my son - who I thought had adapted very well to a crazy but loving family - question the situation because of this program. I think that was another turning point for me.  I continued to let him be a part of this program but we talked about it a lot. I explained to him about his father and me and we talked about any issues a child his age might have with parents that are separated. He knew he was loved and had many people in his corner. The Banana Splits program allows children with common experiences to know and learn from one another, and to support each other if a challenging situation arises. How could I say no to a program where my son could help other children while benefiting from it at the same time?

 

#teenmom